All Through The House Pt 1
by Goodshipak
Summary: Or Twas the Night Before Christmas. This is a Christmas story set on Christmas Eve during Season 6 of House. Much thanks to my best friend Jackyblu for all her help in putting this together.


Princeton Plainsboro is awash with Holiday cheer. In the lobby there stands a crèche on one side and a Menorah with a few dreidels on the other. A small Christmas tree on the front desk counter welcomes patients and guests as they enter the hospital. House and Wilson enter the lobby together as they have almost every morning since House has moved in with his best friend.

"When exactly does all this go back in storage?."

"House, it looks nice. Festive and cheery."

"Predictable."

"And what would you say the hospital should do?" Wilson knows he is going to regret asking .

"It would be more interesting if it were 'live'."

"House, what are you talking about? "

"Let's see… Three Wise Men. Chase, Foreman, Taub. Okay, that IS stretching it a bit.

"And Mary, as if I didn't already know."

"Cuddy of course. But I'm not sure, did they mention well endowed funbags in the Gospels?"

"Omission on their part."

"My thoughts exactly. " House smiles as they walk to the elevator.

"And who did you have in mind for Joseph?"

"Well…YOU'RE Jewish….."

"No way House."

"I've always wanted to see you in a dress" The elevator shuts on the two friends as the ride it up to their offices.

"Can I wear a tie?" As Wilson speaks, he straightens the one he is wearing.

"Don't see why not."

"Sold!"

"Now for the baby."

"Rachel is too old."

"True." They both enter Wilson's office and House notices something lying the table by the couch. "THIS is perfect! It's from a cartoon show or something. Timmy…?"

"It's Tommy. Rugrats." Wilson notices Housed grinning. "What?"

"I'm just amazed you know that. Is that what you've been watching at 2 AM when I hear the TV on in your room?"

"No, but it is a cute show. You'd like Angelica!" Now Wilson smiles. "But this isn't a 'live' baby"

"Better that way. Would want a sleeping baby. Close enough."

"And what will YOU be doing in this scenario?"

"Filmographer. This SO needs to be on You Tube!"

"House!"

"Would get a lot of hits, GUARENTEED! "

"Don't you have to go diagnose or something?"

"The three wise men and their Angel/Devil can handle things til I get there."

"Their angel what?"

"Wasn't there an 'angel' in that nativity story somewhere? But this one goes 'both ways' "

Wilson tries to ignore that last comment but a tiny grin appears on his face.

"Goodbye House"

"Goodbye Wilson"

* * *

House arrives in his office to find his team discussing their latest case which is just about complete. Diagnosis made, meds being administered, should be an easy day. House even considers sneaking out early. That is until Cuddy calls with those two most dreaded words: Clinic Duty. But after thinking it over, he decides to head down to the clinic. One quick patient and he can sneak on out. Cuddy is waiting for him and even has a handpicked case folder just for him.

"For me? You shouldn't have." House eyes the file Cuddy is holding.

"We are short handed due to swine flu. Thought you'd enjoy this. Think of it as an early Christmas gift."

"I'll take a bottle of Grey Goose instead…"

"You'll take this." Cuddy forces the file in House's hand. "Your patients waiting."

"No holiday spirit…." House grabs hold of the file and enters Exam Room 3.

What he finds is a young woman sitting atop the exam table in deep blue blazer and skirt. Regulation Salvation Army wear, very prim, proper and quiet.

"What, no kettle?"

"It doesn't belong to me sir. One of my brethren is manning it so we may do God's work this holiest time of year."

"Nice of him."

"He was very kind. Doctor, I hope you can help me. It's so very cold outside. My asthma, so hard to breathe."

House takes his stethoscope from around his neck and prepares to listen to her lungs. But Miss Salvation hops down from the exam table and unbuttons her neat blue blazer.

" It's suddenly so HOT in here. So hard to breathe… Help me doctor!"

She then throws off her blazer and quickly removes her blouse. She lunges for House, throws the stethoscope to the floor and reaches for his groin.

"What would your 'brethren' think?"

"Those old men? They couldn't get it up without 2 bottles of Viagra and even then it's anyone's guess. But this.." She tightens her grip at House's groin. "This is my 'Salvation'!"

"Can't argue with that! Halleluiah sister!"

As House and his new friend search for their "salvation", Taub is on his way to Cuddy's office. As he nears the door he hears some 'commotion' in exam room 3. He tries to look inside, but finds the blinds closed. Concerned about those inside, he decides to knock.

"Go away!" Yell two voices in unison.

Wilson, also in the hallway, heading for his own clinic patient, hears the yelling and joins Taub outside exam room 3. He looks at Taub, who only shrugs his shoulders. Wilson then knocks himself hoping to get a reply.

"We're busy!"

"Wait, I know that voice." Wilson looks at Taub before trying the door. It's unlocked and Wilson's eyes widen as he looks inside.

" I DIDN'T ask for a consult!" House glances over quickly at Wilson before turning his attention back to his 'patient'.

"Who's he?"

"Our party crasher."

Wilson pushes the door open wider giving the rest of the hallway a good view of the festivities inside. Seeing she now has an audience, Salvation Girl quickly collects her clothing and puts herself back together. She gives Wilson a steel eyed glance and turns to House and hands him a card from her blazer pocket.

"Seems my asthma has subsided. I'm breathing much better now. Thank you doctor… for EVERYTHING. "Then she looks down motioning to the card she has given him "My old business card. Haven't had time for new ones. Just joined the order a month ago. In case you are ever in need of 'spiritual guidance'" She winks at House and strides past Wilson on her way out of the clinic.

House joins Wilson at the doorway. They watch Salvation Girl leave the clinic area.

"Asthma" House explains.

"New treatment?"

"Music therapy."

"What?" Wilson gives House a confused stare.

"All she wants to do is ride around Sally"

"Ride, Sally Ride!" Wilson finishes the lyric.

"Music therapy"

"Do you think she has a sister? My turn here now."

House pulls out the card Salvation Girl has given him. He just smiles. "I'm sure she has many 'sisters'!" He reads the business on the card aloud. " 'Leather & Lace Escort Services' . From a 'Lady of the Night' to a 'Lady of the Light.' " House reads the card further. "And look at her name.."

Wilson moves closer to see what is written on the card. " Salvation Sally. Music therapy indeed!"

* * *

House limps over to the clinic reception desk and grabs the first file he sees. He opens it and then looks at Wilson who has joined him.

"Infected boil. Has your name written all over it. Here ya go!" House tosses the file and Wilson grabs it so it doesn't empty on the floor below.

"Why is it I always get the boils and YOU always get the babes?"

"Guess you must've been naughty this year. And I must've been good. At least that's what all the 'babes' say."

"Well maybe this time I will get lucky and my boil will be on Miss Princeton December." Wilson heads for Exam Room 2. He opens the door a crack. "Then again, maybe not.." Then he looks at House and enters the room.

" Be careful in there. Boils can be dangerous!" House watches Wilson go in, then limps past Cuddy's office. As he looks in, he sees Taub inside, taking a large box from Cuddy. Intrigued, he decides to see for himself what is in inside and enters the office uninvited.

"Are you Taub's 'Secret Santa'? I was hoping you had gotten my name. I wonder what I missed out on?"

"House, shouldn't you be in the clinic right now?"

"Been there, done that, boss. Right now I'm here. Checking on one of my team." House lifts his cane a bit, just enough to knock the box out of Taub's hands. "Oops, my bad.."

The box falls to the floor before Taub can retrieve it. As it does the contents fall out and are visible to everyone in the office. A Santa suit complete with hat and boots.

"Taub has kindly agreed to be Santa for the children's cancer ward this year. And I for one am very grateful." Cuddy looks over at Taub and smiles.

"So instead of Secret Santa, we have Shorty Santa. Nice!"

"Very funny House." Taub picks up the Santa suit and empty box.

"You're going to need an elf. Hey, I know. That new nurse in neurology, Tammy. She's got to be at least, um let's see, 5'10"?"

"I don't need an elf. This Santa is going solo." Taub holds his ground.

"Good idea. Wouldn't want the wife to know you were holding court with a tall lanky neurology elf."

"House! Don't you need to check on the rest of your team? Or maybe I should have you join Wilson back in the clinic."

"Probably should check on the other three. One of them could be MY 'Secret Santa'. " House turns around to leave , then looks at Taub. "You were meant to be Santa. You and the 'tiny tots' will really see 'eye to eye'. And your lap….what a PERFECT fit."

House heads out the office door before Cuddy or Taub have a chance to respond. He grabs the elevator before the door closes and rides it up to his office.

* * *

Foreman and Thirteen are in the diagnostics conference room adjoining House's office. Their most recent patient, a woman diagnosed with POEMS Syndrome , had just finished her course of corticosteroids & hormonal therapy and is being released from the hospital. While Thirteen is attempting to find some coffee, she sees a dusty box in the back of the cabinet. She pulls it out and notices writing on top. It simply says 'Christmas' with a little smiley face next to it. Looking inside, she sees a variety of decorations and decides to use them to add a more seasonal look to the conference room. Foreman watches while finishing the last of the hours old coffee that was at the bottom of the pot. He looks to the door as he sees House enter.

"Has our "poet" left yet? "

"Our patient, Mrs. Donovan, was just released, free from all symptoms of POEM Syndrome." Foreman answers House as he empties the last few drops in his coffee mug.

"So that would be a yes."

"Where were you?"

" In the clinic looking for my 'salvation'."

"I don't even want to know…" Foreman watches Thirteen take more decorations out of the box .

"Mrs. Donovan asked about you. She wanted to thank you." Thirteen joins the conversation as she takes a red sleigh and places it on the long conference table.

"First you were reciting Clement Moore, now a little red sleigh? Are you vying for Taub's head elf job?"

"Her 'reciting' a few lines from "The Night Before Christmas" gave you your answer." Foreman picks up the sleigh and has it 'flying' through the air until Thirteen grabs it from him and places it on the table just beyond his reach.

"Thank you Foreman, for defending your girlfriend so eloquently. And yes, because Thirteen could name all of Santa's reindeer, the case has been solved. Expect an extra lump of coal in her stocking."

"Among other things…" Thirteen looks at Foreman and winks.

"And speaking of Santa, here he comes!" House does a quick flourish with his arms as Taub enters.

"Looks nice in here Thirteen. Did Mrs Donovan check out yet?" Taub tries to ignore House as he concentrates on the decorations.

"Yes she's gone. But that's a good point Saint Nick. Why are you putting up those cheesy decorations?" House answers Taub as he points to the brightly painted wooden reindeer on the bookshelf with his cane.

"They're cute. And I found them. A box in the cabinet over there." Thirteen pulls out a holiday bowl from the box. "This is nice. I need to find something to put in here."

House looks at the box. The smiley face is a dead giveaway. And so is the bowl.

"Something green would be nice. Twenties and fifties if you please."

"You know, I'll bet candy canes would fit perfectly in that bowl." Foreman replies as he holds back a grin.

"That's a great idea." Taub adds, as he takes the bowl from Thirteen and places it on the desk in the conference room.

"Thank you Santa wannabe. So are you all trying to mock me?"

Taub and Thirteen look at House perplexed.

"You had to be there. I'll explain later." Foreman takes the now empty box and puts it back under the cabinet.

"Santa wannabe? What's up with that anyway?" Thirteen questions House on his earlier comment.

House stands behind Taub and starts to measure him with his cane.

"I volunteered to be Santa in the children's cancer ward . "

"That's great Taub." Thirteen looks toward Foreman and motions for him to respond as well. "Nice going Taub."

"Yeah, yeah, very nice. Enough about Taub's 'small' gesture. What I want to know is where is our Aussie Elf?"

"Chase took Mrs. Donovan down to the lobby. One of the nurses was going to do it, but he insisted." Thirteen answers as she put some garland around the whiteboard.

"By the way House, Cuddy is looking for you." Taub's face sports a tiny grin. "She said you left the clinic a bit early."

"Needed to check on my team of elves. But now that Santa is here." House goes over, pulls down the whiteboard garland, then hands it to Thirteen. "I need to find our lost little elf Dr. Chase."

House starts to leave, but then stops at the door. "Oh and nice decorating…Cameron."


End file.
